Ryanair's latest move? To fly with broken toilets

Ryanair's latest move? To fly with no broken toilets AFP/Getty

Ryanair reportedly plans to allow flights to go ahead - even if there is not a working toilet on the plane.

If the toilets on an aircraft are found to be out of order, staff will instead make a departure gate announcement advising passengers to go in the terminal before apologising for any "inconvenience" caused.

According to the Daily Record, a "leaked" internal memo revealed: "In the rare event there is a technical problem with all toilets on board, permission may be granted for the flight to depart with no serviceable toilets. Any passenger not wishing to travel can apply for a refund."

But, for passengers on some flights, this would mean a lot of leg-crossing; Ryanair's longest UK route is from Stansted to Rhodes, Greece, and takes four hours.

According to the Mirror, one airline worker said: "It's incredible they think 189 people on board could last out. Imagine the disruption it will cause to children, the elderly or hen and stag groups - and an announcement at the gate could easily be missed.

"It's odd they'd let a flight go with no toilets rather than delay it for repairs. It could be due to them cutting back on engineers by spreading them over several airports."

The news comes after Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary's plan for coin-operated toilets on his fleet of 737s were ditched following a public backlash last year.

His other bizarre money-saving schemes? Scrapping the role of co-pilot, letting passengers stand on shorter flights, and removing two of the three on-board loos to make room for more passengers.

Back in April, Ryanair also came up with a number of new initiatives aimed at saving money in the face of rising fuel prices - including advising cabin crew to "watch their weight".

The heavier an aircraft, the more expensive the flight, so a number of airlines are devising ways to make their planes lighter.

As well as encouraging flight staff to battle the bulge, Ryanair intends to cut the amount of ice on board, and reduce the weight of trollies and seats.

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Paying for paying
Is it just us, or is there something seriously nut so about the concept of paying for the privilege of paying? It's a crazy, mixed-up world when you have to pay £10 to use a debit card which costs the airline around 20p to process. Of course, you could apply for one of the cards which are 'free' to use, but they change all the time and take hours to apply for. If we thought about it too hard we'd only ever sit at home and cry.
Clashing colours
My dear, the garishness! Bright orange, purple, lurid yellow... it's enough to make anyone long for the days of a discreet livery of navy, red and perhaps a touch of silver. If you weren't feeling queasy before you got onboard, the combination of lime green uniforms and a £10 gin and tonic should do the job. Pass the sick bag – oh no, that's right, there aren't any.
Arriving at random airports
It's all very well paying £3.99 for your flight to Stockholm, but you won't be feeling so clever when you land in a field in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by lakes and forests, with no capital city in sight. Add on the taxes, extra charges and an hour and a half taxi ride into town and suddenly the national carrier flying to the main airport is looking like a pretty good deal. Especially when you factor in the professional service and free prawn sandwich you would have got...
Bonkers booking
Ah, the joys of the online no-frills airline booking procedure... First off, let's assume you've got access to the internet (if you don't, you're pretty much stuffed, because the chances of finding a real live human to book with are about as high you being able to travel on one of the special offer days). You've then got to navigate the site without accidentally hiring a car, paying for golf clubs or adopting a small child. By the time you remember to print out your boarding pass within the correct time period, you're in serious need of a holiday...
Full-fare food and drink
The recent story about a certain airline which gave a man a sandwich and a drink after he suffered a cardiac arrest – and then charged him for it – just about sums up the no-frills airline attitude to catering. It's all about the money, money, money. So, three letters for you: B.Y.O.
Speedy boarding
Seriously, what is up with people who pay for speedy boarding? You haven't spent enough on extra taxes, credit card charges, baggage fees? Sure, whack on another hefty charge while you're at it, just so you can stand in the front of the queue and feel superior. The plane's not going anywhere until the povs at the back of the queue are on too, so save the twenty quid – you'll need it to pay for your cheese sandwich on board.</div>
Baggage restrictions
No, no, we don't really need to take anything with us on our holiday, honestly. We may be going to Norway for two weeks in January, but a toothbrush, t-shirt and a pair of flip-flops will do us just fine. The book, nappies, wet wipes and baby food ? No problem, they'll slip right into the one bag too, that's fine, don't need them at all, yes stick them in the overhead locker miles away from my seat, too. Marvellous.
No seat pocket
Remember in the old days when the seat in front of you had a pocket you could stow your bits and pieces, magazines, bottle of water etc, instead of having to strew them all over the floor? They might be saving space and weight, but when your three-year-old starts projectile vomiting and the seat belt sign's on, suddenly a seat pocket full of sick bags makes a lot of sense. Ah, sweet revenge...
Lousy legroom
Jeez, there's nothing like 29" legroom pitch and a non-reclining seat back to force you to practice your yoga moves. Like human origami, we fold our limbs into unnatural shapes and wonder why we can't feel our feet by the end of the flight. And we're relatively normal! What it's like for a 6ft 7" man, or a 7 month pregnant woman with a 20 month old on her 'lap' doesn't bear thinking about...
Surly service
OK, when you're paying more for your beer than your air fare, you can't expect silver service, but would a smile hurt? We feel for the cabin crew dealing with leery stag weekenders and bitter businessmen whose companies won't cough up for a proper airline, but it would be nice to be treated slightly more like a human being, less like a walking wallet from whom to extract as much cash as possible in a two hour period. Scratch card, perfume, magazine, £2.50 bottle of water, anyone?